My husband and the Army

Some people love painting, some people are passionate about cooking, others love teaching, animals, writing, singing, acting, etc.  Not my husband...he is passionate about the Army.  They've had a rocky relationship and up until recently I though it was a pretty bad one.  Stephen and I were both thinking they needed to break up.  That's when he got out in 2012, well a year later and he's really been missing it.  We've been talking a lot and I've realized how much he really does love it and miss it.  He's actually passionate about it and that's when I realized the Army and my husband didn't have a bad relationship they had one with passion...when it was great it was fantastic when it was bad it was the worst.  But underneath it all it's love pure and simple.  So while he isn't rushing back into a committed relationship or anything with the Army by signing up they're definitely talking again.  Right now they're just on a little break.  And from what I can tell maybe in a year or so they'll be back together again.  I was worried at first.  We Just got done with all that we have a baby I want her to be raised around family!  We're pretty settled here, really a million and one reasons came to mind why we shouldn't...but then one really good reason came up why we should.  He loves it.  I want my husband to enjoy his life, I don't want him working a job that makes him miserable.  Most people only dream of being able to do their passion for a living and if he can well I don't want to stand in his way.  But like I said, he still needs his breathing room from the Army.  They aren't ready to get back together yet they still have some issues to work out and Stephen wants to give himself another year to see whats out there.  So maybe someday they'll get back together...we'll see ♥

Friday's Letters

Dear Husband thank you for being the best provider, friend, and partner I could've ever hoped for.  And thank you for being such a fantastic father you melt my heart when I see you loving on our little.  Dear Army friend I love you dearly and I know you mean the world to my husband, you two have missed each other a lot in the last year.  I am so glad you're coming down to see him, I am not super pleased with the fact that we'll be having company on my first mother's day but I appreciate you calling first and you know and I know that there was no real way I was gonna be able to say no.  So I hope you come down and make my husband super happy he deserves it *and please do not get super drunk I have one baby to take care of I do not need two more big ones added to that equation thank you very much* so HOOAH to you two and I hope you make it and it's an awesome weekend.  Dear Baby Abigail you will be 3months old on Sunday which is also Mother's day and I cannot wait you're growing so much and it's totally a love/hate thing for me.  I hope we can make it a special day for you filled with lots of cuddles and probably way to many photos.  Also please do not get this horrible sickness that we have all had except for you and daddy.  Dear Stomach sickness do not get my baby sick.  Seriously, we have been praying our butts off, washing our hands, bleaching everything, and doing everything else we can think of so seriously leave her and husband alone and I will forgive you for infecting me the past few days and making me unable to hold my little love.  Dear Life you have been kicking us in the stomach pretty good lately.  You know all the soft spots don't you?  And you also know when and why we can't fight back.  But don't worry God has got this so we're not gonna let you win.  So BAM.  Dear God thank you for helping me through everything the last couple weeks, you know our struggles, fears, worries, and choices.  You know what we can handle and what we can't.  Thank you for helping to grow in you.  Please keep protecting my little girl and her health, Amen.

A little girl & A lot of love

It's been a while since I last updated, actually it's only been a little over two weeks.  That seems so unreal to me because it feels like forever ago I sat at the computer typing up this post on my due date discussing our options about our little girl's birth.  A lot changed.  We pretty much knew we were going to do a c-section that day.  It was the safest option for our baby so there really was no other choice to my way of thinking but we took the weekend to think about it like the doctor said to.  Monday we went in and find out there was another problem via an ultrasound, it looked like our little lady would have shoulder dystocia which made things a bit more serious and just confirmed that we were making the right choice in going with a c-section.  It all happened very fast though.   Suddenly the doctor was saying 'all right well let's schedule you right now' and the nurse said Friday but my doctor intervened and said before that so we decided on Wednesday...it was Monday it all seemed to be happening so fast!  So then I went over to the hospital for some blood work and husband drove over to sit with my mom and aunt while they waited for me right before I went in for the blood work I was called to the front desk apparently there was a phone call for me I couldn't imagine what that was about it turns out it was the secretary from the doctor's office saying they were moving my c-section to Tuesday...uhm what?...that's tomorrow!  I had to ask the lady to repeat herself I really did.  I was in total shock after that.  My husband looked like he was going to cry he was so happy...I thought I was going to throw up.  It was so real so fast!  Fast forward to the next day, we got to the hospital around 11 and before I knew it we were in the Maternity ward and I was meeting 'my nurse' Lyndsey *who was amazing and the Nursery Nurse named Celeste was also fantastic I will post about those ladies and my doctor later!* , after some trouble getting my IV in *I ended up having to have it in my wrist* my family started to pour in I had about 15 people there not including my husband, myself, and the nurses.  My doctor came in, I met my anesthesiologist and it was time to go and get my spinal *which was the part I was the most nervous for* walking into the OR was so weird it was cold and sterile and I really thought I was going to pass out at that point.  They had some trouble with my spinal and I ended up having more medication than normal them trying to give me my spinal actually took longer than the Cesarian itself.  I'm very thankful I didn't have to be put all the way out though, then my doctor came in and the ball started rolling suddenly the drugs kicked in and I was Gone I felt very nauseous but the anesthesiologist took care of that quickly enough then they brought my husband in and suddenly I was thinking "I'm open on the other side of this curtain...weird" I didn't let myself talk to him or anything I just sat there and did some thinking.  The weirdest part was actually feeling it when they took the baby out all the pressure and weight was just lifted out of me.  The doctor said "here she is and look her eyes are already wide open!" *then I also heard "Man look at that placenta!" ...that's nice lol* they cleaned her up and laid her directly on my face which I honestly loved every second of.  My husband was right there by my face as well and I just got to feel her and hear her little cry she even put her little fingers in my mouth I honestly felt like I was absorbing her into my heart it was a magical moment *that I actually have a photo of thanks to the anesthesiologist that I'll share later* and I will never forget a second of it.  Abigail Nancy Dianna Lester was born on February 12th 2013 at 2:37pm and weighed 8lbs and 9oz and was 19 1/2 inches long.

True Love

My husband and I woke up this morning to the irritating alarm blaring, he turned it off and crawled back in bed and we both just stayed under the covers deciding to lay there for a few more minutes before getting up and getting him off to work.  He came up behind me and pulled me close and said "come here and let me hold my girls before I gotta go" and he wrapped his arms around me *and my ever growing 37 weeks pregnant belly* and rubbed my stomach and we just stayed like that for a bit.  Little moments like that I want to remember forever and so I figured I should do a little post about it, just for me really to make sure I never forget.  Sometimes I think the best memories are the ones you aren't able to capture with a camera.

Fear #2 - My Body

Well my fear #2...it's taken me long enough to write this wow!  But it took me awhile to figure out what to share and what not to share, how I really felt about it all, and just all those different kind of extremely personal and uncomfortable things.

I'm 5'5 and I am overweight.  I've always been big boned *no really my family is huge, my grandmother is almost 6ft* and I never really had a problem with it.  I'm plus sized, and that's ok with me.  It's also apparently ok with the doctor he's always so surprised at how healthy I am.  Just because your fat does not mean you're unhealthy.  I exercise, drink water, stay away from soda for the most part, don't smoke, or drink really, I eat veggies like a rabbit, and don't really go in for sweets.  My blood pressure, cholesterol, all of it is amazing.  I get an A+ every time!  I just wanted to clear that up for some people, just because you are bigger does NOT mean you are ridiculously unhealthy.  But anyway I'm a big girl, over the years I've come to the realization that I'm not meant to be thin *though I could definitely be smaller* and that I actually love my body.  I love that I'm curvy and round and soft.  That's what I've always thought of when I've thought of how a woman.  But that's just me and that's just what I want for myself.  Everyone knows whats best for themselves.

Over the years I've been teased about my weight and how big I am and in high school I was painfully shy because I felt so insecure.  It makes me sad though that thin people are made to feel the same way!  So I'm not saying that it's skinny people's fault and they're disgusting and horrible and blah blah whatever else bitter, mean, and negative people say to make themselves feel better.  If one of my friends who happens to be on the thin side says "I feel so fat I'm going on a diet" I don't start attacking her and asking why she'd do such a thing, etc. I saw oh yeah?  What kind?  I make sure to let her know she's beautiful just the way she is but if that's her choice that's her choice I'm going to support her!  But what was starting to happen with me was, I felt horrible All the time.  I didn't want to go anywhere at all.  I was feeling sluggish and embarrassed just to go outside and be seen *which was ridiculous nobody can tell when I gain weight except me really* at all.  I was so unhappy with myself I was projecting it off onto my poor husband who to his credit always loves, cherishes, and makes me feel beautiful *no matter what reality is actually looking like* but it was horrible.  I didn't want to have sex, do anything anywhere, I got depressed *which isn't surprising my family has a long history of depression and I was diagnosed during deployment* and that's was when I got snapped back to reality.  The Lord always brings me back when I feel like I'm just about done.  It's usually the thought of medication that makes me realize I'm getting in a little deep.  First off there is NOTHING wrong with medication for depression nothing at all.  For myself I'm trying to wait as long as humanly possible before going on it.  Although at some point I know I will need to.  My husband and I are just living together for more than a month for the first time in 3years and I want us to get used to each other without the added stress of finding a medicine that works for me and dealing with all kind of side affects.  I can keep it under control now with the help of the Lord, a supporting family, and a healthy lifestyle for me really makes all the difference.  So that was another drive there.  The depression and how it really affects everyone around you, my body, and just how I felt everyday finally pushed me to get off the bed and go for a walk.  This all started with a walk, I guess you can say it started with one step...♥

I became uncomfortable and unhappy with my weight again around the end of 2010 and then 2011 was just miserable.  My husband deployed and I found out I'm a stress eater I gained 22 pounds and I don't want to know how many inches.  He's home now and I'm finally in a place in my life where that kind of damaging stress is almost non-existent *compared to what it was anyway* and I want to do something about how I feel.  I'd love to fit into all my old clothes, but I'd really just like to Feel better.  My ultimate goal is to lose the deployment weight.  And to fit into those old jeans!  I'm not giving myself a set time because I think that is setting myself up for failure.  Over the years I've found diets don't work for me.  So I'm trying to do this differently.  I'm tackling one change at a time.  The first is exercise *and for me it's the most important* I've been doing PT with my husband everyday *except Saturday and Sunday* and I'm feeling wonderful!  Although Saturdays I'm going to start doing a workout video instead of just taking the day off.  My goal is to get comfortable working out everyday.  To get it to become a habit, a part of my schedule.  I've lost Two of those deployment pounds already and that feels spectacular!  I've decided to push myself a little, on the 17th it will be exactly a month until our trip to Nevada for a cousin's wedding and small family reunion.  A fun two trip for husband and I and the first time he's meeting that side of the family *no pressure AT ALL none whatsoever* so on the 17th *in two days* I'm going to start counting my calories again and trying my hardest to stick to it!  I want to see if I'll be able to see and feel a difference in a month of working out and eating right.  I'm not going to deprive myself because that just doesn't work for me.  So myfitnesspal is going to become my new best friend.  I'd love to feel my best on this trip and with summer coming it's just one incentive after another!  My husband is super supportive because since he signed up for the reserves  he wants to get back into PT and it's really awesome working out with him he knows just how to push me and encourage me!  My big problem with losing weight is I usually go really extreme for a few days then completely burnout and that's bad and it never works so I'm trying to go slow and steady and make positive changes that are going to stick with me!

this is me after losing that 2lbs and fitting into a shirt I haven't been able to wear in almost 3 years!

All of these photos *and more* are available on my pinterest board Being Helthy

Living a simple life to the fullest

Lately I've found myself getting down in the dumps, getting discouraged repeatedly and So easily!  And it's my fault.  Self-pity is a horrible, dangerous, and super easy trap to fall into.  And once you're in that hole it can be extremely difficult to get out of it again.  So before I get in to deep I'm going to climb myself out *and hopefully stay out for awhile* one of my big problems lately is that I keep letting people get to me, I let their comments, actions, and sometimes even their very presence touch me in a negative way when I shouldn't even let them in at all!  I find myself turning into them, with a jaded attitude and all!  I should just let it all roll right off my back and keep on going on my merry way.  And I'm going to start doing just that!  I'm going to put all my focus and energy where it needs to be.  On my walk with the Lord, my family, myself, and the other positive people and things in my life.  What do you need to have a full life?  A happy life?  What areas are there that make up the Important Things?  I don't remember why but one day my husband and I made up a list of what we considered to be the basic aspects of any life

1. The Lord
2. Family
3. Nutrition *sustenance, you know what keeps your body going*
4. Exercise *health whatever you want to call it*
5. Cleanliness *not just for yourself but for the space{s} that you inhabit like your car, and your home*

If you focus on those 5 things, you won't have time for much else!  Now everyone is different but for me, my closest friends are my family.  And I need to spend as much time with them as I can and be the best I can to them because life is to short not to enjoy every moment I have with these wonderful people I've been blessed with!  Nutrition, what am I putting in my body?  Is it good for me?  Is it hurting me?  I'm I putting in to much of something and not enough of something else?  I also cook for my family so this also really important because it's not just for me.  I get such a joy out of preparing food with love and creativity for them.  I love when people Love my food!  The joy and fulfillment I get out of it is ridiculous.  Exercise, there is nothing better than that awesome burn you feel from a good workout.  Exercising is good for your health, it creates endorphins, and it clears the mind in a wonderful and natural way when something is just eating at you!  Cleanliness, obviously you don't want to stink or anything but for me this is not wearing makeup for a while and it's having a better skin routine or make up removing routine!  And of course keeping my home clean, I can think So much better when my space is organized and clean.  You can't have a clear mind or a healthy life if the space you inhabit is cluttered and stressful!  And of course the best for last, the most important for last...The Lord so this encompasses so much!  My walk with him, honoring him, following the commandments, reading my bible, trusting in him, if I do this how on earth could negative people and things affect me?  If I have my mind, heart, eyes, and ears focused on where they should be it doesn't matter what people say or do, it doesn't matter if nothing is going my way.  I woke up this morning with a need to treat things differently.  To be different, to be better.  At the center of it all I need to make sure the Lord is there.

Now if I sit back and read this, that is A Lot for every singe day?  To focus on these things?  I mean what else would I have time for???  Certainly not letting things get to me, or bogging myself down in self pity!  I'm going to be busy living a simple life to the fullest extent of my abilities!  Not even just for myself *or my family bless them for having to deal with me, be around me, and love me anyways* but because I want to spread happiness and positivity, I want to let people go ahead in the super market, hold the door open for someone at the post office, when someone cuts me off in traffic I don't want to get mad!  When someone says something hurtful or mean 

I don't want to retaliate or let it hurt me at all!  I want to pray for them!  I want to spread the good! 

 Do you ever feel like that?

Tuesday's To-Do's

Today I'm hoping to get lots done thankfully most of it is inside as I'm a bit twitchy about going outside after my first bee sting of the year yesterday still all kinds of swollen/itchy hate that feeling *but the mustard totally worked!* but there are still things that can and need to be done!  I started a detox and cleanse this morning it's a Jillian Michaels thing I've had it a minute and just decided it was now or never so here we go.  Today is also day2 of my makeup and nail polish 'spring break' so that's just weird but I'm still going strong lol.  Oh and the above picture has nothing to do with anything in this post I for some reason just love it and find it inspiring.  I also started a new pinterest board devoted to eating, exercising, and just being healthy!  Found some really great stuff so far!  If you wanna check it out here you go!  And here is my to-do list for Tuesday...♥

To-Do List

1. Read my bible
2. keep track of calories today *try and stay within the limit*
3. workout
4. put away all husband's *crap* stuff
5. take stuff up to storage shed
6. clean out closet put everything away nicely *try and actually MAINTAIN it*
7. clean up the room *yes Marie that means dust to*
8. clean out loft
9. start making the two week menu and shopping list

(Via)

This is just an awesome picture I found on pinterest!  This is definitely going to help me in keeping track of my calories!  Maybe it'll help you to! *especially if you're a Starbucks addict like I am*

This is a picture of all husband's *crap* stuff arriving yesterday!  I may or may not be mad that they didn't lose it, but I can totally defend myself!  We really don't have room for it, and if they would've lost it we would've got 5 grand...I'd rather have that than old uniforms and video games anyyy day but that's just me I guess lol!  Must say he is REALLY happy this important piece got here because it's something that we will get loads of use out of in our everyday life

what average, middle class family doesn't absolutely NEED a grappling hook I ask you?


and with that I'm off to finish things and enjoy my lovingly amazing and blessed life at the same time!  For all it's ups and downs it's mine and I wouldn't trade a thing!  I'm going to do a check up post tonight and see how I did on my list!  What do YOU have planned for Tuesday?