Barbarian Babes & My Self Esteem

*Be warned I get a tad graphic in this post but not all together inapropriate*

SO!  My little brother (when I say little he's 16 so assume what you will about his hormones) LOVES barbarian stuff like Krull and Conan and every other guy wearing fur with no shirt and screaming while throwing/and or weilding a spear or battle axe into unforseeable circumstances.  And I to can appreciate a barbarian now and again.  But one of his Christmas presents a movie called 'Fire and Ice' a cartoon about some barbarian type dudes...totally blew me away!  It was great!!!  I was shocked! 

Darkwolf ... totally my new husband if anything ever happens to Stephen ;)

Anyway I suck and can totally Not sum the movie up correctly, I cannot do it justice in anyway shape or form.  But it's great, google it or youtube it or whatever you have just DO IT.  Anyway the reason it's so awesome besides the story, the director, and the artist (again look it up) was...

Teegra

...And before you ask, yes that is a girl and no I am not a a lesbian closet or otherwise.  BUT this lovely drawing did do something for me!  Something I aprpeciate SO much and I'm sure the artist had no intention at all of her doing that for people much less me.  By the way she's the girl in the black and white drawing at the begining of this post.  Here are some pictures of Teegra before I explain what exactly what she did for me!

            

So yes Teegra, obviously in all her glory and leaving little to the imagination!  More power to her, and yes I am well aware she's a cartoon and doesn't actually have a stand on her confidence leve or self esteem or even what she wears...leave me alone in my fictional friendship please&thank you..♥..anyway the longer I watched this movie and watched her bounce around in her barely-barbarian get up I started to think she doesn't look like cartoons now at all, in fact she's pretty damn realistic...I mean really her boobs aren't obnoxiously perky or anything they're semi-strapped down but deffinitely not help up there's a normal amound of sagging going on there (thank you gravity!) that us big chested girls deal with on the daily.  Then I started to think dang that girl's ass really just doens't stop does it?  She's got some thickkkkkk 'ol thighs on her to.  Not completely skinny and totally out of proportion like cartoons (and women) now-a-days.  I was totally into Miss Teegra, and I'm not gonna lie about 15 minutes later I went in the bathroom and did something I hadn't in quite a while got butt naked and looked at myself in the mirror and totally smiled...I kinda looked like Teegra, I mean my stomach is far from beautiful COUGH*or flat*COUGH like hers, but actually hers is nice and rounded, nice and FEMININE!  The more I stared, the more I realized I have a beuaitful body.  It's soft and round like a woman's should be I'm not insanely fat or anything but like my husband says Ive "got something a man could sink his teeth into" lol and I like that and Ahem, so does he.  For some reason this movie just made me look at my body in a different way...my ass looks exactly like hers!!!  It is HUGE in a totally yummy way!  Hello new year and new confidence how are you today?  oh are you sexy like Meee? cool. 

Finding Contentment within myself

Deleting Facebook was a big step in the right direction for me to be on my way to being real, authentic, myself (even in just realizing who I really am), I started this blog as really just a creative outlet and journal for myself. With this diet that I'm starting I'm really excited but have some reservations...I exercise all the time it's my eating habits that need work. I'm not trying to get super skinny, perish the thought! I just want to be back at a place, size, and weight where I was SO comfortable with myself. Which is about 40pounds away. When I see pictures of girls (usually inappropriate in magazines or tv or whatever) I'm in shock they'd dress and act like that but at the same time I'm confused should I feel ashamed because I don't look like them? Because I don't want to? Does that mean there's something wrong with me? So I'm hoping in the next few months to go on a personal journey and maybe document some of it and find out about myself. And hopefully retrain myself to make decisions because they're good for me and my family and husband. Cultivate closer, more mature, and real friendships with decent ladies. Hopefully go even farther and deeper in my Christian walk. To bring my self-esteem back up to where it should be. Not be buzzed on coffee all the time and be running around like a chicken with my head cut off. That's really why I deleted Facebook and don't have a cell phone because i realized I was doing things just because of what I wanted other people to think of me. Not for enjoyment or because it was good for me. I'm hoping this journey will have the impact i want and need. I think this weight loss, and re-wiring of my eating habits will be another great step in a good direction! Getting back to a physical place where I was at my most comfortable and confident! Wish me luck! Oh..and i forgot I only have to lose 35 pounds since i've lost 5!!!!

And forgive the 3 pictures of myself but those are me a few years ago at my 'goal weight' so that's what I'm hoping to get back to! And while the number is going down on my scale I want my inches gone to!!!!!!