an Open heart and Open mind

We've been sick around here all of us including little miss had the most horrible colds!  I didn't think there could be anything worse than all of us being sick at once, talk about miserable and stressful and tiring...but there is something much worse and that is seeing your baby sick!  To top it off she got her shots a few days later...cannot put into words how heartbreaking!  But I am happy she is safe from a lot of yucky stuff now.  Aside from being sick and stressed with multiple things happening in our lives we are in a state of confusion right now.  Confused as to what God's plan is for us, confused about the choices we are *thinking* about making...are either of these choices God's choices for us?  Or are we attempting to lean on our own understanding?  Right now it feels so hard to know what is Right it's one of those times you really wish life came with a how-to book.  I have recognized one of my current problems though thanks to the counsel of the wonderful Pastor at our church, I've been feeling conflicted, guilty, and worried about both of these possible decisions and I didn't know why even just the slightest possibility of either one was enough to bring me to tears but I know now it's because although I've been faithfully praying and trying to give it all to God I have not been praying with an open mind or an open heart I've not so secretly wanted to avoid staying in the situation we are currently in and secretly wanted to avoid one of our options.  I haven't been telling God 'ok point me in whatever direction you want Lord!  I'm listening I'll go where I'm told' ...I've more or less been saying 'do whatever your will is Lord and I'll follow...as long as it's not this and is that' and that's not really faith in him, his timing, or his plans for my life.  So I'm going to try really hard to work on that.  No fun pictures or sayings in this post I'm sorry to say just truth and what's been in my heart and on my mind.  But I will say fun things are coming to this little blog that I hope to start dedicating more time to since it's my own special place and now that we have a little mommy definitely needs a 'quiet' place lol!