Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Wonder-Woman I am not!


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We're still trying to get the little miss on a schedule, taxes need to get done, we're dealing with insurance issues, an upcoming cardiologist appointment, trying to find Easter clothes somewhere in our shrinking budget, husband possibly leaving for training for an undisclosed amount of time *at least a month for sure though* , praying that his current job will still be there for him when he gets back, and of course we are still living with my parents ... that's a lot of stress for the months of March & April.  And through it all I find myself getting more and more edgy, I get irritated far easier, my nerves feel completely raw, and I find myself slipping into the 'why me' trap *you know the one that once you fall in it seems almost impossible to get out of* and it's usually at the worst of times to; when the baby won't sleep and is being particularly fussy around 2:37am and my husband is snoring soundly next to me, or when I'm trying to figure out how to use turbo tax and feed the baby when the computer goes dead.  You would think these situations would just propel me towards the Lord more than ever before...but no I keep trying to handle it all on my own, I keep trying how to be wonder-woman with a 5wk old and a husband who starts at 4:30am and doesn't finish until 6pm all while sharing a kitchen, bathroom, and laundry room with not only 4 other people but with another woman *you know that saying to many cooks..? yeah.* and for some reason I can't get it through my head that wonder-woman isn't real.  She's a made up comic book character, an unattainable idea, yeah she can do it all and probably eat unlimited amounts of pasta without ever getting fat..she's great but I won't ever be able to be her and trying to is only going to frustrate me and my situation 100xs more than it already is. 
 *the Lord sent some quotes, and inspirations my way this week and I'm going to share them here with this post!*

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Be still.  Why can I not seem to do that?  I feel like there are just 500 things that always need to be done.  And because of that when I get a spare minute what do I do?  I go and veg out on the computer and drink coffee.  Do I go and open my bible and talk with the Lord?  Do I refresh my soul with his words of comfort and love?  Nope...I go on facebook.  Why do I do that?!  If anything facebook or even other blogs make things worse!  I find myself comparing my situations with those that I see or read about.  That isn't healthy or helpful, I get resentful and envious.  I cannot compare my situation to someone else.  Everyone has their own problems and their own blessings.  Does anyone else ever do that though?  Get caught in the comparison trap?
 
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It's hard feeling so stuck all the time.  I definitely do not want to feel like that but really it's my own fault.  It's my fault for choosing other things over spending time with the Lord it's as simple as that.  I need to have time set aside everyday whether it's in the early morning, or late at night...whenever.  I just need to be able to have 10 minutes for prayer and scripture.  To refresh my spirit!  That is so important, especially now that I have a little one and it feels like there are so many more stresses, worries, and problems than ever before.  In the good times and bad, and especially when I feel like I don't have time that's when I need to just sit down and let his grace wash over me.  I need to remember he has a plan for me and for my family.  These difficult times won't last forever.  But even in these hard times I need to thank him and praise him.  I need to keep in mind that none of what is happening is a surprise to him.  My life isn't just randomly going along, there is a point to it all.  If that point is to teach me something or help me to grow as a person I don't know but I don't need to know that, I just need to have faith.

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1 comment:

Stacie said...

Sometimes life gets so stressful and we get so worked up when we should be letting God deal with it. I understand because I get the same way (only without a little one to worry about too!). Thinking of you Marie, and sending prayers your way.

xoxo Stacie

 
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