Mommy Musings

So since I've become a mother I have felt Guilty about almost everything ... seriously about 500 times a day I have all different kinds of guilt and varying degrees of it coming at me from all directions and I'm just starting to realize it could very well all be of my own making.  I'm definitely not a super mom, but I am definitely not the worst mom.  So does that make me an average mom?  I do not know honestly.  I'm not a granola mom, I'm not a 'this is how my mom did it' mom, I'm not all about the easiest thing, I'm not crazy into attachment parenting, but she's not crying it out either.  I'm not depressed but I'm not happy.  I let my mom help a lot actually more than I'm comfortable with and I'm not sure how to feel about that.  I'm getting absolutely no sleep, I worry she doesn't love me, I worry because breast feeding was miserable for me, I feel guilty because I don't really know anything at all...I also feel massively guilty because my husband and I have seen 3 movies since she was born...I know...I've been away from her for 3+hrs 3times...the good moms out there are probably ready to make an example of me and burn me at the stake *whatever I'll go down like the Joan of Arc for all those moms who feel mediocre ... ya know like we're just squeaking by on the 'good mom' scale* it's funny she's 1 month old and I feel like I'm still trying to figure out what kind of mom I wanna be.  I'm comparing it to high school cliques.  Who am I gonna eat lunch with for the next 18+years..?  It's kind of a big decision ... just some late night musings for your boredom/insomnia but husband and baby are both sleep so now I think I may attempt it

Good night