Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Wednesday Woes & Whimsical Musings

Its that time of the month, I'm emotional and irrational and my thoughts are all over the place and my worries (even the ridiculous ones) are pushed to the limits by my anxiety.  All I can think of is paying off bills before my husband is out of the Army and starts the job hunt that has me shaking I'm so nervous for us.  But, whats the point in worrying about things I cannot control and things that aren't here yet?  There isn't one.  God will provide us with all we need so what am I doing trying to worry and control everything?  Thats just one of those horrible human tendenacys I have LOL while yes it is important to pay off bills and do it while we can freaking out about it randomly at 6pm on a Wendsday night is not going to solve anything.  I realized this around 6:05 pm tonight (yes...wendsday lol) as I was sitting on my un-made bed with a pile of financial papers surrounding me, a calculator, and several Dave Ramsery books because I AM GOING TO FIX OUR INVIVSIBLE PROBLEM ALL BY MYSELF!!! AND FURTHERMORE I AM GOING TO DO IT RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE!  BECAUSE I AM ALL I/WE (meaning the husband and I) NEED!...And I am SO wrong, soo soo so horribly wrong lol it is laughable how wrong I am.  He needs God, we need God, and I also need God and some serious caffiene detox (but thats a blog for another anxiety ridden day!).  I can control nothing, I can fix nothing, it is all out of my hands and in Gods which is EXACTLY where I need it and want it to be and deffinitely where it should be.  Now yes, we can come up with a financial plan that will help us out giving us guidelines and a faster way to pay things off so we'll have it done before he's out of a job BUT I want/need him involved in that.  I also need to pray ALOT before we have the conversation because he gets stressed and likes to shut down or start to watch 'How I Met Your Mother' (admittedly a great show) but hopefully this one will go better than it usually does because I won't be screaming about financial ruin and our Non-existent-Massive-Debt and simultaniously chugging million calorie, $10 dollar Venti-Iced-Tuxedo-With 5 extra espresso shots-no whip-heart attack from Starbucks (hmm I'm freaking out about financial problems we're going to have in the future when he has no job yet I am usually swigging back this expensive coffee which is killing two birds with one stone 1)making me look like a HUGE hypocrite and 2) giving me an ulcer and making my anxiety SO much get this straight I am NOT making fun of people in financial trouble, and we are not in financial trouble, we have a few bills and two credit cards just like anyone else.  We are not in crazzzy amounts of debt.  I am just a nut, and I like to worry. ALOT.  So I tend to make Kilamanjaro size mountains out of tiny insignificant pebbles.  Not to say that we don't have to watch our pennies and do need to come up with a better plan so we can save more money but we're not in any kind of dire situation...just to clarify.  I decided to make out our bills, this is when I was still in melt-down mode by the way..and I decided I shouldn't take any money this payday! Not for gas or food (I help my parents with the food bill) nothing at all!  And this is the kind of all or nothing attitude that REALLY screws me over sometimes.  It is deffinitely a problem I need to work on.  All or nothing is not good, or ok, or enjoyable, or even smart.  So yes I'm working on that and the bills are still being worked on LOL and in the midst of my papers, and calculator, and hysteria...I stopped what I was doing and prayed. Just prayed for my crazy self and thanked the Lord for some things that have been going on with me, and asked him tol help me and give us the wisdom and strength to deal with financial matters...and then I felt so stinkin relaxed and calm I fell asleep for an hour LOL I feel like the Lord was tired of seeing how hysterical I was being and needed to knock me out...I get overwhelming sometimes...ask my husband its true ;)

Cleaning, did not happen today. at all. I suck. super bad.  someone should fire me.  Well I washed the sheets thats about it.  I had huge plans! Getting my nesting done, the initial organizing but then my all or nothing attitude set in but I'm going to shake that off tomorrow, but then mother nature actually stood in the way.  That time of the month popped up and I was in PAIN and grouchy and just wanted to hide in my bed...and that is exactly what I did.  Now the guilt is setting in and my semi-cluttered room is bothering me to no end.  Tomorrow morning I will hopefully awaken with a vengence and get some coffee, breakfast, do a mini workout and attack the Fort!!!! Then I can get started on Fall decorating! LOL but no fun stuff for me until the work is done meaning, cleaning, organizing, and bills.

Lots of stuff going on with the Hero's Honeys to we're slowly moving off of facebook and have made a website Daniella bless her heart has handled most of it so far.  I'm going to jump in soon enough I've just got so much on my mind.  Also worrying about the San Diego meet up not alot of girls seem interested at all :( oh well just going to pray about it :)

I am still in love with Winnie the Pooh today ♥
I watched Santa Claus is coming to town twice ♥
I am SUPER excited to delete my facebook ♥
Its almost pay day ♥
I am super blessed ♥

I am now craving chocolate like a crazy person and will soon have to go raid my Grandmothers house in search of the melt in your mouth magic that is chocolatte :) sooo yes I'm going to go do that promise a makeover blog on the Fort with pictures tomorrow!!!!!

Hugs and Loves!

No comments:

Jane Whitney Designs