Lately

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Lately I've been feeling like the Lord wants me to do more and be more, to be better in so many areas of my life.  After an interesting email conversation with my Pastor I've come to realize I don't come to the Lord with an open heart.  I don't say "Lord do with me what you will, put me where you want me, I know I'm in your hands and you see the whole picture where I only see a fraction of it." ...I'm not like that I'm a planner and worrier and when I go to him I say something more along the lines of "Lord put me where you will ...but if you could I really don't wanna go there or there...you know what if you would just pick one of these other options that'd be great because then I could feel secure and stuff" I shouldn't be like that.  I need to learn to realize I am secure in him always, that real security is only found in Christ's love and forgiveness everything else is a human illusion.  I've been trying to give the almighty limitations, I've been trying to push my own human agenda, worries, and plans onto Him ...and that's just stupid because whatever he has planned for me far surpasses the plans I have for myself and my family. Not only do I need to be open to his plans, changes, etc. but I also need to learn to wait patiently and be content exactly where he has me, I'm here for a reason after all.  Contentment is something I struggle with and definitely something I'd like to improve on.  One of the big things I've really struggled with and fought against is where we live, it's not a house.  It is a little room, a beautiful room really a perfect room that was made with lots of love.  It's a little place that's allowed us to be where we want and work through a lot of things.  But I've fought it every step of the way, I pour over real estate sites, house plans, pinterest boards, all that stuff and all it does is make me miserable.  Makes me long for something I can't have right now and if I'm honest something I don't need right now.  Doing all those things stops me from living in the present and being thankful and content with where I'm at in my life, where God has me and my little family.  I'm stopping myself from enjoying this special time in our lives, we're a young family with a long way to go and this season of our life is part of our special journey, part of our story...and a part of the special plan Jesus has for us!  It makes me sad I've wasted so much time worrying and weeping over not having 'a real house'.  I'm glad I've finally gotten on here to put all this into words, it feels wonderful!  So please pray for me, that maybe I'll find the right blog name and the right identity for this little space of mine and finally put him at the center of it. And That I'll be able to make the necessary changes in my life to really honor the Lord and HIS plans.

 ♥...Happy Thursday...♥