Saturday, January 28, 2012

These last few days

Well I haven't posted in about 3 days.  A lot can happen in 3 days.  Things can go from ok, to amazing, to 'how can this be happening?', to heart breaking in a matter of hours.  And it's hard because when you're an adult you realize the entire world is still going on around you.  You have a choice to make, you can pick yourself up and keep going with it or you can just be on your own and isolate yourself from it all.  I'm somewhere in the middle of those two things I'm not curled up in a sobbing ball like I though I would be but I'm not answering calls, hanging out with people that aren't family, answering emails, or texts, I'm not really laughing or smiling...it's just to hard.  But I am doing things, I'm listening to happy music, getting simple, mindless, projects finished.  I'm also reading my bible, praying, talking to my husband, and sleeping.

So, now I guess I'll tell you what happened.  Friday morning 3days before my husband was expected home (keep in mind he is NOT deployed he is stationed in Germany and this date has been solid for over 2 months) I was woken up by a phone call from him, I assumed telling me 'bye baby I'll see you monday I'm getting the phone shut off now and I'm packing'...I was wrong, instead I got...

"Hey baby they messed up paper work and said they can't do it on the weekends...I don't know when I'm coming home now" (or some variation of that)

But hey I wasn't going to completely fall apart yet, I was going to keep hoping and act like it was all ok and then fall apart later that night when I took a shower like any other military wife would.  I even went out to breakfast with my parents to prove how 'fine' I was.  Well when we got back to the ranch we were informed that my great-aunt Patt had taken a turn for the worst, a few months ago she'd been diagnosed with cancer and it had moved fast they said if you wanted to see her before she was gone now was the time.  My dad and I got in the truck and went to her house, she could no longer speak, or comprehend, she was in a coma-like state and was so small I couldn't believe she was alive...her family was all around here and my uncle Ted, her husband of 67years sat next to her holding her hand and staring at her whispering softly to her while wearing (one of his many) USMC sweaters it was hard to not cry but we stayed strong for the family...it was the way it should be when someone is getting ready to go, we talked about the wonderful life she's had and made jokes and told family stories.  We left and a few hours later my aunt went home to be with the Lord.  One of the hardest parts was being with my Grandma (her sister-in-law) when she got the news.  My Grandma grabbed my hand and began to cry I was instantly up and holding her rocking back and forth while she cried and just leaned on me and let me hold her, I haven't seen her cry like this since my grandfather died.  It was very hard and I haven't felt the same since it happened, but I'm very glad I was there for her.  I was very close to my aunt patt, a beautiful strong and amazing woman at 84 she'd been married for 67 years to my uncle Ted and had been a marine wife for goodness knows how long (he was in WWII and Korea) she's been to Germany where her mother was from many time, the holy lands, france, england, greece, just about everywhere.  She was an amazing baker and owned a bakery made money to help support the family and all her trips.  She was the only person whose fruitcake I would eat, it was amazing.  She was my grandpa's sister (he's also passed on now) and just the most wonderful woman and Christian and gave me words of wisdom when my husband deployed.  I will always love and treasure every single memory I have of her.  RIP Aunt Patt...♥


So in the same day I found out that after waiting 2 1/2 years for my husband we still have to wait, I found out my Aunt was deathly ill, and then she passed away later that day.  It was a very hard day.  But today was better, I did take a picture that made me very happy, I also found a poem (or 2) that helped make it all even better.

3 comments:

Adam & Jasmine Zickefoose said...

Once again, I'm so sorry Marie. This would be hard for anyone, but I know you are strong and can make it through this tough patch. We all get pactches come up in our life, but the beauty of it, is we get through them with God's strength. Rely on Him, and He'll see you through. Still praying for you friend!

Stacie said...

I am so sorry, when you get your heart set on a date and to have them mess it up it breaks your heart. And I am so sorry to hear about your Aunt but it sounds like she had a long and happy life. Right now it seems bleak but the road ahead always has sunshine around the corner. Thinking of you.

Mrs.Marie Lester said...

Thank you Jasmine and Stacie for your beautiful and wonderful comments :) God is getting me through it <3 and people with amazingly kind words like you two are definitely helping ♥

 
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