Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Finding Contentment within myself

Deleting Facebook was a big step in the right direction for me to be on my way to being real, authentic, myself (even in just realizing who I really am), I started this blog as really just a creative outlet and journal for myself. With this diet that I'm starting I'm really excited but have some reservations...I exercise all the time it's my eating habits that need work. I'm not trying to get super skinny, perish the thought! I just want to be back at a place, size, and weight where I was SO comfortable with myself. Which is about 40pounds away. When I see pictures of girls (usually inappropriate in magazines or tv or whatever) I'm in shock they'd dress and act like that but at the same time I'm confused should I feel ashamed because I don't look like them? Because I don't want to? Does that mean there's something wrong with me? So I'm hoping in the next few months to go on a personal journey and maybe document some of it and find out about myself. And hopefully retrain myself to make decisions because they're good for me and my family and husband. Cultivate closer, more mature, and real friendships with decent ladies. Hopefully go even farther and deeper in my Christian walk. To bring my self-esteem back up to where it should be. Not be buzzed on coffee all the time and be running around like a chicken with my head cut off. That's really why I deleted Facebook and don't have a cell phone because i realized I was doing things just because of what I wanted other people to think of me. Not for enjoyment or because it was good for me. I'm hoping this journey will have the impact i want and need. I think this weight loss, and re-wiring of my eating habits will be another great step in a good direction! Getting back to a physical place where I was at my most comfortable and confident! Wish me luck! Oh..and i forgot I only have to lose 35 pounds since i've lost 5!!!!

And forgive the 3 pictures of myself but those are me a few years ago at my 'goal weight' so that's what I'm hoping to get back to! And while the number is going down on my scale I want my inches gone to!!!!!!

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